Wednesday, 16 August 2017

My Sometimes Demon (aka: Looking through PBD)

Sometimes I see a situation that is well and truly bleek as being full of opportunity.
Sometimes I see a situation that is amazing as being bleek.
I try to see it differently.
I wish I knew how.
Sometimes I'm able to be your friend.
Sometimes I'm able to laugh and cry with you.
Sometimes I'm able to joke with all my heart.
Sometimes I'm able to go out with you and have so much fun!
Sometimes I don't know what to say.
Sometimes I say things that aren't nice; and I'm trapped inside my own self unable to stop myself from speaking.
Sometimes I proverbially beat myself up for days because I said the wrong thing.
Sometimes I can't figure out why you're mad or sad.
Sometimes I stay quiet when I should speak.
Sometimes I get irationally angry. I rarely express this well.
Sometimes I think you don't like me, even when you've given me no cause to think this.
Sometimes I look at you and feel nothing. (I especially hate this.)
Sometimes I forget the important things.
Sometimes I remember them, just in time for it not to matter.
Sometimes I just feel awkward.
Sometimes I just want to die.
Sometimes I wonder what you see when you look at me.
Sometimes my brain makes me think you hate what you see.
Sometimes I wonder if you feel the same way I feel.
Sometimes you can say something, and I'll read way to much between the lines.
Sometimes I forget to look between the lines at all.
Sometimes I wish I could be more normal.
Sometimes I wish I could see outside of me.

Sometimes I wish I were different.

Wednesday, 26 July 2017

Uterine Bereavement Support and Education: Emotional Menstruation?!

There are a ton of things the doctors "glaze over" or simply don't tell you when you find out that your uterus doesn't work for one reason or another.
         The biggest one that jumps out at me is the Emotional or Hormonal Menstruation. This is where, due to hormonal changes in your body, you experience all the mental and emotional effects of menstruation.
           I lost my uterus about 6 years ago to cancer. Both my uterus and cervix were removed. They left my ovaries so that I wouldn't experience premature menopause. As a result, I still experience the mental and emotional side of menstruation. This is particularly painful, as it is a reminder of what I have lost. I will still experience PMS symptoms, I will still experience cravings. I still get moody.
           For a few years I didn't say anything about it. I didn't tell a soul. I thought, " Oh! It's all in my head." (You know, like all other "womens problems.") Finally one day, I was in a super bad mood while I was at the doctor's office. He asked me what was wrong, and I told him. He asked if it was around the time of the month I used to menstruate. I thought about it, sure enough, it was. He then went on to explain about how I still go through the hormonal ups and downs and even cramping in the muscles that used to be around my uterus. "It's pretty common. Not all women experience it, but many do." I asked why no one told me this and he just shrugged. I have never gotten an answer.
            If you get PMS and have not uterus, you are not alone. Talk to your doctor about it.
I found this resource while I was writing this post and thought it would be useful for people to know: http://www.hersfoundation.com/ 

Never feel like you must suffer in silence. Talk to someone.

Jennica Duncan.

Uterine Bereavement Support and Education on Facebook




Saturday, 4 February 2017

Trapped- A poem By: Jennica Duncan

-Trapped-
_________
Here we are again.
The darkness greets me as I slip inside.
I feel trapped in my head.
Imprisoned there by my past with nowhere to run and nowhere to hide.

It's been a decade! Maybe two!
And still when I let my guard down it's right there.
I see it over and over.
Betrayal of my trust burning my skin, my mouth, my hair.

Anger burns hot as coal.
The flames raging up and out across my life.
It burns everyone I love.
Trying to keep it contained is like walking on a knife.

I get ahead of it, and burn it right back
Capping the jar when its small enough to fit.
Hopefully its not too late.
Hopefully the good fires are still lit.

By: Jennica Duncan